As counsellors, we're experts at spotting when others need support. We can sense the subtle shifts in our clients' emotional states, recognise their patterns of avoidance and gently guide them toward seeking and accepting help when needed.
But when it comes to ourselves - that's often a very different story.
As counsellors, we sometimes forget that we too need support at times. Too often we feel that we should have it all figured out, have all our "baggage" handled and that we should be able to manage our own emotional challenges because, after all, that’s what we help others do, right?
But here's the thing: being a counsellor doesn't make us immune to needing support. In fact, the emotional weight of our work actually makes it even more essential.
Cos, let's be honest… there's a unique kind of pressure that comes with being a mental health professional. The nature of therapeutic work means we spend our days holding space for others, bearing witness to their most vulnerable experiences while helping them navigate their emotional landscapes and overcome personal challenges.
Counselling truly is a deeply human and humbling profession. And it’s a profession that can sometimes come at a high personal cost, especially when our own unresolved struggles resurface and go unaddressed.
Counselling for counsellors isn’t about professional development — it’s about personal healing. It’s about tending to the parts of ourselves that we often set aside while caring for others. Addressing your personal struggles allows you to show up more fully, not only for your clients but also for yourself. By taking this step, you’re modelling the very values of vulnerability, growth and self-compassion that you encourage in your clients.
If you have a look at research around therapy for therapists, it consistently shows that therapist self-care and personal counselling significantly impact client outcomes. In fact, recent findings indicate that counsellors engaging in regular personal counselling show improved clinical outcomes and higher job satisfaction rates. Clearly signalling that it's not just okay to seek counselling as a counsellor – it's essential for our wellbeing and professional effectiveness.
So, that said, let's explore five signs that might indicate it's time for you, as a counsellor, to seek your own counselling support:
1. Client Stories Are Following You Home, aka Your Boundaries Have Been Breached
We've all been there at some point, haven’t we?
Long after your sessions has ended, you find yourself replaying conversations with clients in your head. Ruminating on what you said or maybe didn’t say…
Maybe you're:
Lying awake at night, thinking about a particularly difficult session
Finding it hard to "switch off" from counsellor mode
Noticing that client stories are affecting your mood outside of work
This isn't just about a normal amount of musing, reflection or case conceptualisation. If client stories are starting to inhabit your personal space and time, this might be a sign that you need some support in processing and containing these experiences.
When boundaries like this start to fade, it tends to happen subtly. You might find yourself checking emails at midnight, worrying about clients during family time or feeling an overwhelming urge to "fix" or improve client situations. These moments of boundary crossing can profoundly impact both our professional effectiveness and our personal wellbeing. Consider when you last found yourself thinking about client issues during personal time, or how easily you’ve begun saying "yes" to extra client requests...
The impact of boundary erosion extends beyond our professional lives. I’ve had counsellors talk to me about strained personal relationships, difficulties being present with loved ones, constant irritability and ill-temper and a diminishing sense of self outside their professional role, to offer a few examples. Take some time to reflect on how your professional role might be seeping into your personal space and what that means for your overall wellbeing.
2. Your Personal Triggers Are Being Activated
We all have our own personal wounds and triggers – in fact, it's often what drew a lot of us to this profession. Sometimes these wounds and triggers can permeate client sessions and throw us off course, even if only momentarily. It's a scenario many of us have faced: a client shares something that unexpectedly resonates with your own unresolved issues. And suddenly, you're not just sitting with their pain and their story, but also with your own.
When triggered, you might notice:
Strong emotional reactions to certain client stories
Difficulty maintaining emotional boundaries during sessions
Finding yourself over-identifying with client experiences
These moments don't mean you’re not a good counsellor. Not at all. They mean you’re human. And they might indicate you have some unhealed wounds to work on yourself. Having your own counselling space allows you to explore and process these wounds, and subsequent triggers, ultimately making you more present and effective in your client work.
Notice which client presentations create the strongest emotional response in you or how you respond internally to clients whose stories mirror your own experiences. If you find yourself tensing up during certain topics, unconsciously steering clients away from particular areas or finding yourself overwhelmed by specific client narratives, these reactions aren't signs of professional inadequacy – they're invitations to deeper self-exploration and self-understanding. When our unresolved issues consistently show up in the counselling space, it deserves our attention.
3. Self-Care Isn't Cutting It Anymore
Yep, as counsellors, we all know the importance of self-care. We know about meditation, exercise, healthy boundaries, peer discussions and good supervision. We've mastered the art of relaxing baths, mindful walks, binging our favourite shows and journaling. But sometimes, despite our best self-care efforts, no amount of meditation, massage, yoga or chats with peers seems to shift the emotional weight you're carrying. The persistent sense of heaviness and ill-ease you’re experiencing just isn’t lifting after your usual recharge activities.
When basic self-care isn't enough, when it’s no longer providing necessary relief or comfort, it might be time for something more. Personal counselling offers a level of support and processing that goes beyond general or superficial wellness practices. Personal counselling can help you identify the deeper roots of your exhaustion and mental fatigue. Perhaps it’s ongoing stress and anxiety, unresolved grief, inferiority or perfectionism... Through exploring the roots of your symptoms, you can develop better, more suitable self-care practices that help refill your emotional reserves.
Think of it like this: self-care is maintenance, but therapy is repair and restoration.
It is not selfish to rest and repair yourself; it’s self-preservation – Audre Lorde
4. Your Personal Life Is Affecting Your Clinical Work
As counsellors, we know the boundary between personal and professional life is delicate. We strive to leave our own struggles at the door during client work, but sometimes life hands us challenges that seep into our therapeutic space. Whether it's relationship difficulties, loss, family stressors, big life changes or our own mental health struggles, these personal experiences can colour and influence how we show up for our clients.
Perhaps you're finding it harder to stay present in sessions, catching yourself over-identifying with clients or realising your own unresolved issues are determining your therapeutic responses. While our personal experiences can enhance our empathy and inform our understanding, unprocessed personal material can unknowingly affect our clinical work.
Seeking personal counselling isn't just about managing your personal life however, it's about ensuring you can continue to provide the best possible care for your clients. It's about accessing a space where you can process our own story, so that it doesn't unconsciously become part of your clients' narratives.
5. You're Experiencing Imposter Syndrome on Steroids
Most counsellors experience imposter syndrome or feelings of inferiority at some point in their career – you know, that nagging feeling that we're somehow not qualified enough, skilled enough or not "good enough" to be doing this work. I’d go so far as to call it a normal and common occurrence. But when it starts significantly affecting your personal wellbeing and clinical practice and begins to paralyse our clinical decision-making or keeping us awake at night second-guessing every intervention, we're dealing with something that needs more than just reassurance and positive feedback from colleagues.
Signs of Imposter Syndrome might include:
Persistent self-doubt about your abilities as a counsellor
Obsessing over sessions and questioning your every move
Feeling hypocritical for helping others while struggling yourself
Anxiety about being 'found out' as somehow inadequate or unqualified
Such intense anxiety before sessions that you overcompensate by over-preparing
These feelings can be particularly typical and intense for newly qualified counsellors, but they can strike any of us at any point in our careers, even the most seasoned of therapists.
When imposter syndrome reaches this level of intensity, it's no longer just about professional confidence – It's about understanding our relationship with ourselves as helpers so we can develop a more balanced personal and professional identity.
Breaking the Stigma: Why Seeking Help Makes You a Better Counsellor
There's sometimes an unspoken expectation in this industry that as counsellors, we should be able to handle our emotional and mental challenges independently. In my opinion, this couldn't be further from the truth. Seeking personal counselling demonstrates a level of emotional intelligence and self-awareness that's crucial in our field. It shows we understand that being a skilled therapist doesn't make us immune to life's challenges and identifies that we recognise the importance of tending to our own emotional needs.
Perhaps most importantly, seeking personal counselling means we're authentically living the values we share with our clients. We're modelling that seeking support isn't a sign of failing but of wisdom, that therapy isn't just for 'people with problems' it’s for anyone committed to their growth and wellbeing. When we tell our clients that counselling can be transformative, we ought to be doing so not just from our professional perspective, but from our personal experience of sitting where they sit.
Remember, our profession is founded on the belief that talking helps and that having a space to process our experiences is valuable. Why should this be any different for us?
Taking the Next Step
If you've recognised yourself in any of these signs, know that you're not alone. Many counsellors seek personal counselling at various points in their careers – whether they're students, newly qualified or experienced practitioners.
It's Your Turn to Be the Client
As someone who provides counselling specifically for counsellors, I understand the unique challenges you face. The vulnerability of being a mental health professional seeking support. The worry about being judged or seen as less capable. I share all those feeling too! That I counsel counsellors doesn’t mean I don’t have “stuff” going on as well or that I am not engaging my own supports. All of us need some help sometimes...
In my practice, I create a space where you can fully step into the client role. Where you can explore your challenges, triggers and emotions without fear of judgement or exposure. Where you can experience the relief and growth that comes from having your own emotional and mental support person. Because sometimes, the most important step in becoming a better counsellor is allowing yourself to be the client.
Ready to explore this further? Reach out for a chat. Let's talk about how personal counselling can support your professional journey as a counsellor.
*Remember: Taking care of yourself isn't just about self-care practices. Sometimes, it's about having the courage to seek support when you need it. Your emotional wellbeing matters – for you, and for your clients*
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